How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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