got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
