he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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