omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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