Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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