MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
