in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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