When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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