Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
