I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
