a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
foreskin is a definite game changer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
