I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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