if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
