Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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