When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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