Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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