you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
