There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize