I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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