Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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