Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
