mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
