and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
there is glitter all over my balls
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
