Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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