i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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