Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
