Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
