That's when you crack a 10am beer
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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