During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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