i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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