The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
