About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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