So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
