I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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