A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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