i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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