It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
