you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
