You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
