OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
