That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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