If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
