your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
