he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
