Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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