he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
