im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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