i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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