I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize