Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
