It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
