i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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