I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
