in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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