Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
