Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
