so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The power of my boobs compel you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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