I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
