Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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