I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
