like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
