well I can't set my house on fire every night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize