you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
