so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
