We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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