I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I have vodka in my lungs
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
